Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Life’s a Bitch and Then You Have to See a Shrink

Eventually, I had to look at myself in the mirror and admit: “Face it kid! You’re a hybrid – and a good looking one at that. Yet, you need some help coping with the minuscule minds and habits of ‘the mean ones’.”
“Here’s the deal,” I continued talking to moi. “As long as they make you miserable, they will keep on trying…damned them!”
So it was time to check out Dr. G, the towering guru who helped my parents, Cat and Tortue. He turned out to be a pretty cool guy – not the stereotypical flat, unemotional shrink who sits back, rubs his chiny -chin-chin and repeats that nauseating query, “And how does that make you feel?”
Nope, Dr. G was more irate than me about these bullies. Here’s a sample of his tirades from Dr. Parrino’s e book, Lessons of the Wounded Warrior.  
“Disgusting!” he spewed. “Those cruel ones, they create emotional havoc throughout the animal kingdom. Some say it’s the devil’s work, and evil in the world. I say evil, smevil to that. They are a bunch of cowards…yes? Always picking on the tall, short, yellow, green, fat or lean.”  
“And further, my tender child, they crave and achieve great joy from chastising the anxious, melancholy, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and many other vulnerable animals. Those who are coping with bad memories, emotional or physical challenges, or creatures who are just plain introverted. Yes, the cowards choose to prey on the sensitive ones.”
“Ask yourself why? Why would they want to do this?...I could scream at the top of my very long lungs, but that might rile Siggy, so I will just explain their pernicious motives.”
(Siggy is his able assistant, a mynah bird that reminds him of his perfectionist tendencies.) 
“You must understand, my little student, they are full of fear - the darkest, deepest terror known to animals. Yes, fear that if they lose control and power over others, they will be abandoned. Excuse my jungle tongue, but when those who follow their dictates stop caressing their hairy buttocks, they always disintegrate. The cruel ones then regress into a puddle of poop.”
There you go, a super regular creature just like the rest of us. So if you need help (and who doesn’t these days), don’t be afraid to give the ‘shrink job’ a try. It’s a gift to your ‘self’, and a kick in the you-know-whats to your nemeses. And don’t be shy about further inquiries at

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