Primaries, Presidential Politics and a Few Good Shrinks

John J. Parrino, Ph.D

The chronic stress of present-day presidential politics must lead all rational Americans to an incontrovertible conclusion: the time has come to assign a few good shrinks to the candidates.

Imagine how bored their Docs must get waiting for plaque to build up in coronary arteries or watching for a polyp to crop up on intestinal walls. On the other hand, psychological experts would have their hands full immediately.

The candidates need real pros to provide feedback when their verbal habits veer off track, help them unload repressed feelings when the media frustrates them, and provide emotional support after the ‘accusation of the day’ from their own and the opposing party.

The presidential aspirants might require a team of specialists: a marriage counselor when things get tough with the prospective First Partner, a Psychologist to help with the self-esteem issues that stem from striving to be adored by several hundred million people, and when all else fails, a Psychiatrist to give their brain cells a boost of serotonin.

We Americans suffer from the illusion that our chosen leaders must have their collective heads on pretty straight. Not necessarily true! When you’re at the top, people get squeamish about pointing out your idiosyncrasies. Would you tell the prospective President of the most powerful country in the world that his temper tantrums with the media represent unresolved rage towards his/her mother? Of course not, but a good Shrink would!

We need a permanent policy mandating a few good shrinks to follow each potential leader. Wouldn't it inspire confidence in our candidates - and set a great example for our kids - if the networks ended their news programs with this important message:

“And finally, ladies and gentlemen, we come to our Presidential candidate Smith, who consulted a counselor today because

.....the pressure of running for the most powerful position in the world was stressing him/her out.

.....he/she had a nightmare last night that revealed deep-seated 
feelings of inadequacy.

.....and, worst of all, the prospective First Partner was peeved at him/her during dinner.

The presidential aspirants exhibit these natural human reactions whether we want to believe it or not. Do you want someone running your country that is not in touch with his/her deep-seated feelings 
of inadequacy?

We should require each candidate running for the highest 
office in the land to submit to a complete psychological 
evaluation. Our team of shrinks could be summoned to the primaries to pinpoint potential problems. Family members would be interviewed to evaluate the level of dysfunction in the prospective First Family. This way, we could tell if a future “Prez” was about to experience a midlife crisis. A candidate with sociopathic tendencies could be eliminated before he/she got into serious trouble.

Think about it! Can we afford to take a chance with the future Big Guy/Gal’s psyche? That's pretty risky! Remember, our lives will ultimately be dependent on the ongoing health of his/her brain cells.

Dr. John J. Parrino is a Psychologist and author in Atlanta, Georgia. His website is http://www.drparrino.com.

Day: 404 8431612 x5

Evening: 770 9736888

GUT BREATHING: THE FASTEST RELAXATION TECHNIQUE...EVER

In my stress seminars, I would always pose this challenge: If you were the midst of a tense, stressed and angry crowd and had a mere fifteen minutes to get control over them, what would you do? People said things like hose them down with water, force them to chase you until they got tired, and some said simply” beg for mercy”. All reasonable good options of course, but being a stress doc, my answer was: Teach them how to relax. It’s the best way to quickly reduce tension, stress and anger.

I’ve studied and used relaxation techniques for decades and have finally discovered one that is scientifically sound and, most importantly, a method that people will actually use. There are many great relaxation methods like meditation, yoga and tai chi, and believe me, I’ve taught all of them. But none of them work unless you practice. So I searched for a technique was valid, effective and fast. And the winner is…diaphragmatic breathing or gut breathing, as I call it.

VALIDITY. There are numerous studies that support the validity of gut breathing. I won’t bore you with them here. If you are interested, write to me via my website (included below) and I will send you the references.

EFFECTIVE. It slows breathing, heart rate, reduces muscle tension, quiets the mind, etc. Every healthy response you want in a relaxation technique.

FAST: Gut breathing takes fifteen minutes or less to learn, and you can practice it in multiple one minute sessions throughout the day.

Now really! Is that too much to ask for better mental health, less tension, stress and anger, and even better relationships. I practice gut breathing everyday myself, and can vouch for its benefits.

Here is a simple way to learn the technique which is taken from my latest stress book, NOW WE KNOW WHY IT’S CALLED A PUNCH LIST: How to Cope When Your Beloved Home Is Invaded by a Gang of Tool-Wielding, Tattooed, Organized-Challenged Contractors and Subs (www.stresscomedy.com).

Step 1. In a sitting or standing position, place one hand on your chest and another on your gut. Take a deep breath - through your gut - so that your hand rises slowly as you breathe in. Your chest should move only slightly or not at all. Breathe in very slowly until your lungs are full of air. Hold your breath for just a moment.

Step 2. Release your breath ever so slowly, resisting the temptation to let it go all at once. You have now completed one breath cycle.

Step 3. Repeat this pattern of breathing several times until you get accustomed to this “gut breathing” and find that your chest barely moves as you breathe in air. When you feel that you have learned the “gut breathing” method, you can bring you hands back to your sides, and begin practicing in a more normal position.

Studies have shown that people under stress engage in shallow, chest-oriented breathing. Interestingly enough, this form of hyperventilation is particularly evident when you are sitting at your computer. Check yourself out. Are your breaths short and coming from your chest? Yep…got you!

Try the three steps right now and notice the quick changes in breathing, overall tension level and feelings of well-being. Gut breathing is truly one of the best things you can do for your “self”. Of course, the best training results are obtained by doing a fifteen minute practice session each day followed by one minute sessions as you need them; that is, when you catch yourself breathing incorrectly.

Until the next time, may your habits be calming and health-enhancing.

INFIDELITY: What Does Stress Have To Do With It?

You don’t have to go far from the sex organs to understand why a man or woman would be unfaithful to his/her partner. Just look straight up to the perpetrator’s brain.

Today’s short neurobiology lesson will help you understand what I mean: Look at the commonly depicted side view of the brain and you see the thick, undulating surface called the cortex, which among other functions allows us to use logic and make rational choices in our lives. Look below the surface and observe a smaller version of the same structure, which contains the stress and emotional structures. They are responsible for the fight/fight reflex, feelings of pleasure, fear, anger and rage. Billions of interconnections between these brain parts allow logical thinking, stress and emotions to work together for a unified, effective strategy of living.

During highly stressful times, logical thinking tends to decrease dramatically. Remember that promise you made to yourself at Thanksgiving: “I absolutely refuse to binge on Mom’s apple and pumpkin pies. This year I’m going to control my urges.” Well…the pies were staring at you, and Uncle Harry was particularly annoying, so bingo!…Logic went down the drain like Aunt Mary’s lousy green bean casserole. Logic was the victim of stress, strong emotions and those pesky pleasures centers in the more impulsive parts of your brain.

Now for the salacious part of this story: A guy or gal that has never learned to manage stress effectively – one who spends too much time in the stress zone and little time in the relaxed zone - is prone to a myriad of strong feelings and bad habits. Emotional eating is one example. Drug, gambling and spending addiction are others. Sexual addiction and infidelity can be added to that list as well.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not the entire story behind infidelity. Your learning history is critical; that is, what you internalized from mom and dad’s levels of commitment and fidelity. And some people have psychiatric conditions that make them more infidelity-prone than others. Each can be risk factors for chronic unfaithfulness - and when you add stress to that formula - you have a loaded gun pointed at your marriage.

This is a case for seeking professional help. As you know, I’m a huge advocate of - to put it in the vernacular - getting your head shrunk. Don’t hesitate. All of us can use an expert’s advice in these trying times.

So this is what I hear people say about megastars being unfaithful: “It doesn’t make any sense. He has everything going for him. Why would he get himself in such a stupid jam? Doesn’t he realize the consequences of his behavior? The money, the marriage, the children. I just don’t understand. ”

Perhaps this brief and admittedly overly simplified treatise can help. You have to manage stress or it will take its toll on rational thinking and actions. No one is immune, no matter how talented, rich and famous. It’s your brain. You are responsible for keeping it happy and healthy.

NEW STRESS BOOK EARNS A REVIEWER'S CHOICE DESIGNATION

My new stress book recently earned a Reviewer's Choice designation from the premier online magazine, Midwest Book Review. I'm quite honored to receive this review, so - shamelessly - I have published it below.

Construction work on your home while you're living in it can be a very stressful thing. "Now We Know Why It's Called a Punch List" is a guide for the homeowner facing renovations and wants to try to get their development pushed along in the most painless way possible while having a laugh along the way. "Now We Know Why It's Called a Punch List" is a light hearted yet highly useful read. James A. Cox, Editor-in-Chief, Small Press Bookwatch

You can check-out my new book at www.stresscomedy.com. Below you can read an interview with me about the book.


Dr. Parrino…Why did you decide to write an advice book about the stress of home renovation projects?

Every homeowner has a renovation nightmare story. Over the years, I’ve heard many of them from neighbors, family and friends, and then my wife and I had a personal experience with renovation stress. So it seemed like the perfect scenario for stress management training.

What’s the central message or piece of advice from the book?

It’s about self management: If you can’t control the people and events that hassle the heck out of you, learn to manage your internal reactions to them. Humans are naturally prone to engage in crooked thinking, especially in situations that provoke anxiety and anger. And when our emotions override logic, we react with a fight/flight response that exacerbates stress. So we must learn the very important skills of: 1) recognizing, challenging and correcting crooked thinking; mental and physical relaxation; and assertiveness training.

You mentioned crooked thinking as a stress inducer. I haven’t heard of that before. Can you give me a concrete example?

Absolutely! Expecting life events to unfold exactly as they are supposed to is an example of crooked thinking. The key words here are “expecting” and “supposed to”. This happens chronically in renovation projects. We expect goals to be met on time and costs to reflect what we were promised. When the time frame is changed and the costs have doubled, we have a “stress fit”. Believe it or not, you can learn to be much less reactive to the inevitable changes that take place in a remodeling project…and life in general . That’s what I teach in the book.

Why did you combine advice and humor?

First, there is plenty of evidence that humor and a good laugh are exceptional stress relieves, and there are very few advice books that use them as teaching devices. Secondly, the coming together of homeowners and construction crews create a very diverse group of characters, an odd coupling if you will. Take my situation. I’m a bona fide egghead who wouldn’t know a drill bit from a sledge hammer. The subs looked at me like I was from another Universe. Yet we were thrown together in one of life’s most stressful encounters. It made for some interesting dynamics and – depending on the way you think about it - a lot of humor on the way to the punch list.

The book was a quick, fun read, and the advice was easy to follow. Did you have fun writing it?

Oh yes! It is my most creative book, no doubt. And working with a talented illustrator like Susan Antinori was a blast. I would write the narrative, think of an image that accentuated it, and she quickly captured my idea in a dramatic, funny illustration. She really nailed the humor that is inherent in the wild and crazy family that is created when homeowner meets a contractor and his subs.

HOW TO BE SAVVY ABOUT HOLIDAY STRESS

In my previous blog, I outlined a method for becoming a Stress Watcher; that is, someone who pays close attention to the build-up of mind and body stress in order to manage it effectively. The following is the application of this technique to help you be savvy about holiday stress.

Americans have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. We adore them as an opportunity to divert ourselves from the grind of everyday living, spend time with loved ones and indulge in fattening goodies that are forbidden the rest of the year. But we loathe the festive season when it adds stress to a mind and body already stressed to the max.

I teach my stress management clients to recognize stress by counting blocks. This exercise can be helpful for recognizing and changing the tension that many of us experience during the holidays.

Start with a scale of zero (0) to ten (10). The low end of the scale indicates total relaxation; the high end represents panic. Zero (0), for example, may be attained on a long seaside vacation. A ten (10) is appropriate if you’re visiting the zoo, a gorilla has escaped and he’s looking specifically for you.

Let’s assume you’re loaded up with five (5) blocks of stress simply from everyday living. Now observe what happens when you confront the season. Add the following stress blocks:

$ One for extra shopping.

$ One if you plan to travel to spend time with relatives.

$ One for financial distress.

$ Two for the feeling that your pants are getting tighter.

$ Five if you plan to spend time with a headstrong, stubborn, controlling or volatile relative.

Five (your regular stress level) plus 10, of course, equals 15 (maxed out). By New Years Day, you’ll be ready to run away from home to join the circus.

The solution is simple: You have to (A) start with fewer blocks of stress, and/or (B) learn to subtract stress blocks as they pile up.


The fewer-blocks-of stress solution is a reasonable option if you can do something drastic, such as take a vacation from one of the holidays. In the past five years, my family has opted for this one, and it has worked beautifully. We steal away to the beach for Thanksgiving, thus easing into December on the lower end of the scale.
To execute Option B, you have to be a bit wicked. I don’t mean wicked in the negative or amoral sense, but rather in the sense of being assertive and a little mischievous, willing to say no to events and people who demand too much, and yes to yourself.

Staying balanced can include subtracting the following stress blocks:

$ One for keeping your shopping down to a reasonable level.

$ One if you decide to stay home instead of travel.

$ One for conducting a family meeting in which you decide together to spend less this holiday.

$ Two if you give yourself permission to allow a little natural tightness in the waistline, thus avoiding the double-digit stress of gaining weight and enormous guilt at the same time.

$ Five if you manage to avoid the stress carrier relative in your family.

In sum, use the stress-blocks approach to monitor the buildup of holiday stress. Start off with less stress by radically changing your approach to one of the holidays, and make a commitment to subtract one block of stress for every one that you add. Get your family to do the same.

This little exercise may help create the happy and relaxed atmosphere you’ve always wished for during the holidays.

ANGER AND RAGE IN THE NEWS: COULD STRESS BE A FACTOR

The following incidents were recently reported in the news:

…A trained healer, a Physician, punches a woman in a road rage incident.
…A coach who helps manage rage on the football field assaults his assistant.
…A guy spanks a child (not his own) who disturbs him in a supermarket.

What could these - and hundreds of others incidents of anger and rage - have in common? My work in anger management suggests that stress could be a significant factor in these acts of aggression.

Stress is pervasive these days and exerts its influence on how we act and feel. And it has an especially powerful effect on the expression of potentially dangerous emotions like anger and rage. Let me show you how stress, anger and rage are connected, and how Stress and Anger Management (SAM) can help people change.

First, think of your stress potential as ten small blocks that tend to pile up in your brain and body. Your stress potential builds as soon as you experience a stressor in your daily life. If one, two or three blocks build up in your day, you’re relaxed and in pretty good shape (emotionally speaking). Five blocks represent the midpoint on this stress scale. It is the threshold point. Once you pass five, you cross into the danger zone. The closer you get to ten blocks of stress, the more apt you are to blow your top.

Okay, let’s start your day. A poor night’s sleep earns you two blocks of stress. Traffic bumps you up to four. Your bosses’ insensitivity pushes you over the threshold (five +) and into the danger zone. This stressed state primes you for emotional reactivity. You are ready to fight or flee at the slightest provocation, and you’re not even home yet. If the atmosphere at home is perfectly calm, you can subtract a couple of stress blocks, relax and enjoy your family. However, a tense home environment adds insult to injury. There’s a good chance that the minor hassles of family life will trigger irritation, hostility or full-blown anger.

Many of us race through life with chronic stress; that is, we carry between five and ten blocks of stress throughout our nervous systems on a perennial basis. I can’t be sure about the three cases mentioned above, but my suspicion is this: They were at eight, nine or even ten blocks on the stress scale. Powder kegs ready to explode.

The first step of my SAM program is to watch/monitor your stress blocks on a daily basis. You must become a good stress watcher. That means checking your stress levels three to four times per day. Stress watchers ask themselves the following questions on a regular basis: “How’s my breathing? Is it rapid or slow?” “What about muscle tension? Do I feel braced or relaxed?” And what about my mental state? Am I worried and overwhelmed by rapid-fire thoughts or am I thinking calmly and clearly?

In sum, your stress scale can build rapidly unless you learn to recognize the escalation and manage the stress before it reaches the danger zone. Through stress watching, you can begin to become keenly aware of your propensity to anger and rage. It encourages self statements such as: “I am getting awfully close to five, my danger zone, so I’d better back off, take a deep breath and deal with this situation when I’m calmer.” That slight pause prodded by self awareness is a powerful stress and anger management technique. Try it and see for yourself.

To read more about the management of stress and anger, take a look at my latest book: NOW WE KNOW WHY IT’S CALLED A PUNCH LIST: How to Cope When Your Beloved Home is Invaded by a Gang of Tool-Wielding, Tattooed, Organized-Challenged Contractors and Subs at www.stresscomedy.com.

Future blogs will outline the other steps in my SAM program. And remember, you may discover – through your stress watching - that your anger and rage is already chronic and potentially dangerous. Please reach out for professional help. Like the three incidents mentioned at the start of this blog, there are times when stress has passed the point of self help and an expert’s advice.

As always, may your habits be calming and health-enhancing.

THE FIVE HARD-WORKING HORSES OF STRESS MANAGEMENT

The following is a model for understanding stress. It is the backbone of my stress management program, and I will return frequently to this model in future blogs.

The Stress Management System (SMS) is our primary instrument for coping with stress. It’s made up of thoughts, emotions, body reactions and actions, four of the five hardworking horses of the SMS. A simple example of how these four horses help us survive is illustrated in the fight/flight reaction to a threatening situation. You’re walking down a dark alley and a large figure confronts you. There’s no time for logical thinking. No…your brain and body go to automatic mode: an instantaneous fear response (emotions), size up the danger (reflexive thoughts), physically reactions (adrenalin rush), and take action (fight and/or flight). Logic sets in afterwards: “I’ll call the cops”.

The fifth, and frequently ignored horse, is a nurturing relationship. Yes…most of us have to whine, cry, blab, complain and spew some venom to somebody who cares.

Fortunately, our stressors don’t involve dark alleys but rather the hassles of everyday life. The five horses of stress management conduct their work in these situations as well, except in a more complex manner. Each horse has the ability to fail or triumph under stress. And, the sum of these failures and triumphs determines how well we cope with any given life stressor. You have, no doubt, experienced the following:

…Thoughts can be rational or irrational. You can worry excessively about small life events and be perfectly logical about the big ones.

…Emotions overwhelm us or help achieve a sense of relief. Expressing the right dose of anger feels good, but rage gets you into serious trouble with others.

… Body reactions are short, helpful or they stick around too long and wear out the “furniture”. An acute rise in blood pressure gets you fired up in an athletic event but chronic hypertension is a dangerous medical condition.

…Actions can be constructive or destructive. Hard work “brings home the bacon” but workaholism erodes family bonds and may be a risk factor for heart disease.

Finally, and very importantly,

…Relationships nurture or compound stress. A healthy marriage is a formula for a healthy mind and body, but marital conflict exacerbates the hassles of everyday living.

In sum, your thoughts, emotions, physical reactions, actions and relationships count. I will address each of your “stress management horses” in future blogs with an emphasis on riding each horse on a path to healthy coping.

Until then, may your habits be calming and health-inducing.